How Not To Wear Homosexual Footwear

My last post "Friendship in the Time of Smartphones" drew some funny responses. A college senior went on to conjecture that I must be Rahul in the story, documenting my closeted lesbian encounters with my supposed German paramour. While this is a highly convoluted cockamamie invention of an imaginative mind, it did start an interesting conversation. This particular senior would have me believe that my footwear is Ellen-esque which gives off a slight gay vibe.

Ellen DeGeneres

Being a magnet for extremely unconventional people, I am used to conversations that regular people might consider disconcerting. So, no. I did not fly off the handle. I did, however, do some research on the relationship between sexual orientation and footwear. It is exam week, after all. Time for all the crazy to come flooding out of my head.

My first stop, of course, was www.afterellen.com - the place for all lesbian lifestyle gossip. As it turns out,  someone already has voiced a similar query.

"So I was just wondering, does anyone here ever look at girl's shoes to try to determine if they are gay or not?"

Doc Martens (80s Punk!)

From the many replies from true - blue lesbians, I gather that there is actually a stock of shoes that signify lesbianism in modern culture - Birkenstocks, Converses and Doc Martens for flashier occasions. In general, women who prefer sneakers and boots to heels and pumps or comfort to feminine style might just be gay. Another lifestyle website, jezebel.com gives you all the dough on "Lesbian cliches & Stereotypes". Socks are apparently never an option. Apart from Airwalks and boots, sport sandals are supposedly lesbian wear.

I'm guessing this is true for the "butch" in a lesbian relationship. Consider Ellen and Lindsay Lohan. Ellen fits into the above role completely. Lohan, on the other hand, would pass off handsomely as a straight woman with her stilettos and ballerinas. She's still pretty gay on the relationship front. 

Lindsay Lohan's Stilletos

While my own footwear reflects none of those listed as lesbian must-haves (I have never worn boots or Birkenstocks in my life!), it is eerie to think how skewed our perception of society has become. While clothes are a statement, we probably taking it a tad too far with lesbian footwear. If I'm out in a departmental store shopping for toothpaste, I'm not going to be in my pumps, thank you very much. All the same, if I'm not always in full make-up and a summer dress, its because it isn't particularly comfortable for life's rigours. I'm fine with looking "down in the dumps" in my sweats once in a while. If that's gay in common parlance, then "straight women" is a fairly small minority. Not that there is anything wrong with a gay woman. But I wouldn't draw the conclusion from someone's shoes. 

And yes! I love Glee. Not everyone who watches Glee has to be gay. 

By the way, Ellen DeGeneres is suave and smooth and I'm sure her style is admired by many women around the world. But I sure as hell couldn't pull off a men's white Dolce and Gabbana suit with blonde cropped hair even if I wanted. 

Comfortable and straight, forever and always.